Bringing back Sunday Dinner
What comes to your mind when you think about Sunday dinners? Perhaps it is a warm, fuzzy image of a Norman Rockwell tinted past that never really existed. The one with the big roast, kids smiling, mom thrilled that she has been in the kitchen since 7am and will probably never sit down to eat. Then her laughing away, cleaning up all the dishes with the other women of the family.
For me, the memory does not exist in my own family. My parents were divorced when I was 10 and the last thing on my mom’s mind was bringing the family together. What I do remember is Sunday dinner with my friend’s family, and feeling like for a brief moment in time, all was good in the world. The clank of dishes, the conversations, the food, the peacefulness of no one rushing and nothing urgent to do. What I love about this memory was that I was invited. For my friends family, this was not an exclusive family only event, but was a time to be together, to care, to hear the latest news and for me, to feel included.
So, what is it about Sunday dinner that makes most people feel nostalgic and warm? I think we all crave the kind of stability that Sunday dinner symbolizes. The smell of food, the kids running around, chatting with friends and family, and the predictability of it all. There is something about a few things always being the same for a child that takes a bit of chaos out of life. Psychologist Barbara Fiese in an article published by the American Psychological Association states that:
“Rituals (the act of eating together) involve symbolic communication and convey ‘this is who we are’ as a group and provide continuity in meaning across generations. Also, there is often an emotional imprint where once the act is completed, the individual may replay it in memory to recapture some of the positive experience.”
If it benefited families 100 years ago, when life was unbelievably routine and predictable then how much more in the year 2009, when life and systems are constantly changing and families are more disconnected than ever, will it benefit families today?
So, why did Sunday dinner fall out of favor? Well historically it is easy to see why. Sunday dinner was largely the responsibility of the women of the house, maybe someone pitched in, but it fell squarely on her or her daughter’s shoulders. As more women entered the workforce in the 1960-1970’s it became a demand on women’s time with too much labor required. Women cooked while the men napped. Not a fair trade off.
I think reclaiming Sunday dinner means saying a well deserved good bye to how Sunday dinners existed in the past. We need to throw out old paradigms and fantasies of what it should be, and be willing to re-imagine Sunday dinner for today. Perfectionism has absolutely no place in this area or we will never, ever do it.
In my experience Sunday dinners should always be inclusive. I and many kids like me, will benefit hugely from just being invited every week. A place to feel included, and a part of a family tradition that just seems to happen every week. Being inclusive is something that this culture has trouble with. We have lost a sense of community, love, and responsibility. The kind of community where you don’t want ‘old widow Watkins’ to be alone on a Sunday. Sunday dinner can also be just a very laid back day where friends are invited over because family is too far way. A time where everyone brings something to the table. Perhaps a day when you decide all food that is brought and prepared will support local shops and markets in an effort to keep that new local cheese or meat shop in business. A day where you don’t care about the kids running around, making a mess and stealing pickles off the table (not sure why I said pickles, I guess candy was a stretch for me).
Also, I think we need to throw out the idea of it having to be a roast turkey, beef, chicken etc. The dinner can just be where you make a big meal. Italians make pasta, Greeks make Greek food and Canadians make…? Well whatever you feel like you are good at. I think I make some pretty good yorkies, so I may just do that. You may have the best lasagna recipe known to mankind and decide to make that every Sunday. Perhaps you make pasta (hint hint at a neighbor who I know makes a mean pasta from scratch) and decide that once a week, you will make the preparation, cooking and eating of it something that becomes part of your family life.
The point is, I think its time to reclaim Sunday Dinners. It is worth making time for and deep down we all know this to be true. It is just a re-imagining of what we all long for, crave and need. I would like to try to do this in my own family. The old 2:00 Sunday dinner, where everyone pitches in, and if there is napping, we are all doing it!
Lets do it peeps. Lets try to take back Sunday Dinner, a revolution if you will. You know you want it!
12 Responses to “Bringing back Sunday Dinner”
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hint hint received. we’ll pick a sunday night and dust off the old pasta maker. the kids can get involved and then, just like you suggest, we can all sit down to eat…together. xoxo
Love it, great piece! I love Sunday….it’s magical…..we usually eat spagehtti or gnocci and meatballs, or in the winter I often roast a chicken like my mom did.
oops that’s spaghetti not spagehtti
Yay. Comments! I am really gonna try to do the Sunday/mid afternoon dinner. It takes planning but the fun part is when you have all the ingredients all ready to go ahead of time.
LOVE this. For me, it was roast beef every sunday. My mom made a mean gravy…I would pretty much drink the stuff. As for me, I’m an “ok” cook…but I absolutely love the idea of being together and sharing a meal with friends and/or family. Our dinner guests actually just walked out the door as I type this…and I am going to try hard to keep the Sunday dinner ritual alive. Thanks for the post…very insightful and inspirational!
I love that you are an “okay’ cook sherri. I hate what Martha Stewart did to entertaining. Let’s just be our imperfect selves creating something that has been lost. What is wrong with soup and a bun? Let’s do it together!!!
Aehhhhnslie. Roger is on my list for Gnocci. I need to book a time. I can’t wait to be part of the experience!!!
We can do gnocchi on the long weekend…
When is the long weekend?
Nice!!
Poor old Martha, she had a place in my life back before I had kids and had nothing but time. She still has a place in my heart because she gave me blueberry buckle, and for that I give her my loyal heart.
Now it’s all about cooking together, serving the soup with the main course, handing our company a potato peeler and letting go of all my OCD inclinations of perfection. Casual. One of the best gifts my kids have given me.
Wanna make your mom’s yorkshire pudding together? And the roast beast?
Tell me more about this blueberry buckle. My kids LOVE blueberries. Although, I am shoddy baker…Yes, I am hip to the roasted beef and Yorshire puddin’s.
At home in Normandy it was spaghetti (panzani brand)real butter, and gruyere, with some ham… just plain like that… it was so good… always the same on sundays… when I was 10 years old, my mum was working night shifts at the hospital on sundays, so it was easy enough for me to cook for my dad, and my brother….I love your blog btw…